Sunday, March 14, 2010
The only way to understand Adam is to start at the beginning. I almost needed a wheelbarrow to carry my stomach into the delivery room. I'm a fairly tall woman...5'9", but I felt like there was baby from my chin to my ankles. My doctor just chuckled the way men do, knowing that this excruciating experience will never happen to them. He predicted a 9 lb. baby and wandered off to have coffee and doughnuts. Well, I showed him, yesiree. After the screaming was done, I produced a 10 1/2 pounder who was 23 1/2 inches long. We fondly and respectfully called him Spud or Mr. Baby. Currently, he is 6'4" and in the 250 lb. range. Like I said...taking him out to eat is an impressive and expensive event.
I'll just hit some of the highlights of living with Adam. Occasionally, I liked to do something socially correct with my children, so I took them to the library. My little 4 year old cherub was by my side while I selected books. All was quiet. The middle class moms were having quality time with their little ones, and for a brief moment, I felt like I was part of their secret club. Suddenly, Adam threw himself on the floor and screamed, "Don't hit me again, Mommy!" Need I say more.
In Junior High, he made sure that all of his teachers knew that I had taken a hippie trip when I got out of college. Yes, I told him about the summer adventure traveling across the country in a van with my boyfriend. Yes, that was probably not the smartest thing I had ever revealed, but I swear on a stack of peace signs, no drugs were involved. The teachers were abuzz about it all, and I didn't show my face there for quite some time. He also asked one of the cafeteria ladies if he could have some paper towels to take home since his mother never cleaned. I did so clean! Not now, but I did then.
For several years, I thought that he had morphed into Jim Carrey or at least his movie character, Ace Ventura. He has the same loose jointed walk and rubber-like face as Mr. Carrey. This kind of creeps me out, but he can clasp his hands in front and more them over the top of his head and end up behind his back without letting go. His shoulder blades go out of joint and then, yuck. I don't ask to see that trick anymore. He also has some famous walks, most notably Big Foot. You would have to see it, but just imagine a large, hulking creature lumbering by, swinging its arms and turning its head to stare into the camera. That's my boy. I'm so proud of his talents.
There are other things about Adam you should know. He was friends with everyone in school, but he went out of his way to befriend the kids who others might think odd. He refused to play games where leaders picked sides, because the ones who were chosen last might feel bad. He's never been in a fight. He has no tattoos or piercings. He calls me every day. He has a girlfriend who I adore. He's my big, sweet, kind, funny son who would do anything in the world for me. And his reward is that I will embarrass him in Yellowstone. I've already told him that if there is a party with dancing, I will dance. He grumbles and complains, but that's just part of our game. We will have a great adventure together.