Playing Nice in Yellowstone

Far be it for me to tell anyone how to act.  My "inner child" still comes
out to play at the wrong times.  But, really, folks.  You travel hundreds
or thousands of miles to visit Yellowstone National Park and you act
like toddlers who can't have a toy. 

I'm not going to say who has been ratting on you, but I've known them since they were born and they were sooooo cute.  Here's what I'm hearing from my reliable sources (love ya sons) and it ain't pretty.  It seems there is a big epidemic of the grumps going around.

Don't look at Bill over there.  You know I'm talking to you. It would seem that some of you think that Yellowstone is an amusement park or a McDonald's with a playground.  You give yourself one day to see Old Faithful, snap some pics of the critters, eat a meal, and then zoom on to the Tetons.  Gotta move, gotta move, out of the way you stupid bison....  

Settle back future travelers (I have high hopes for you) and soak in some facts.  The park covers over 3400 square miles.  To break it down even more, the park is 63 air miles north to south and 54 air miles east to west.  If you get your head out of the clouds and hit the roads, you'll find the speed limits are 45 miles an hour max.  Then there are the bison who decide to have a sit down in the middle of the road.  Trust me.  They won't move just because you're on a schedule.  They laugh at schedules.

Make me proud when you visit Yellowstone.  Don't go charging into the Old Faithful Inn demanding that you be served before Old Faithful goes off in half an hour.  First of all, it is a restaurant with waiters, table cloths, wine and it isn't cheap.  Relax...enjoy the meal.  Talk to the wait staff who come from all over the world.  Secondly, Old Faithful is faithful.  It goes off every hour.  I promise.  And don't embarrass me by asking "When do they let the animals out?"  It has been asked.  My sources wouldn't lie.

I care about you.  I really do.  I want you to have a good time.  It's a VACATION!  You're spending a lot of money to clear up that gnarled, little work brain.  Stroll.  Breathe.  Hug the kids.  Hug the spouse.  Don't feed the bears.  Look at this picture. Lose the grumps.