If my Verizon connection works for my computer.
If I can lift my hands to type after cleaning rooms all day.
I'm packing bread crumbs.
I've been telling everyone who will listen that I'm going.
I sometimes tell people who don't care.
Sorry. Really I am, but if you change your mind, here's my card.
Over the last month, I've noticed a significant trend in responses.
The men start secreting testosterone.
They know there must be really big fish there. And they talk all Field and Stream at me.
Women, on the other hand, have a very different reaction. They gaze at me with something like awe. Their jaws drop open just a bit.
And then they gaze off somewhere in the distance to a place only they can see.
Their bags are packed.
They are buying airplane tickets for Yellowstone.
They are willing to clean rooms at a national park just to get away for a few months.
The ball is in your court. Now you know. Your wife is mentally packing her bags.
If she does leave, your life will change dramatically.
You will have to find the grocery store.
You will have to figure out which machine washes and which one dries.
You will have to find the remote control on your own.
If you already know these things, and if you share the household duties, you don't have much to worry about.
As for the rest of you, I take no responsibility for what might happen.
I'm just reporting the facts and that's the story I'm sticking with.